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Positivity Prevails - Mom's wish

Mindful moments happen when you need them the most and if you are open to them can either teach you something new or re-affirm something you already knew. Yesterday, that is what happened to me.


On Friday I had a spinal injection done to help my back as it has been debilitating me for several months. The specialist found I’ve got inflammation all over the lower left side therefore he believes three injections a week apart should help. Yes they are a bitch to have but if they will heal the agony I’m feeling then this is what has to be done. Having had the I’m able to stand with less pain down the leg. Sitting and sleeping is still not good, but this was just round one. So I will motor on. Since I had the injection on Friday I didn’t visit mom but got Gianni to drive me on Saturday. The past two weeks I had been going everyday as she had stopped eating and I know I don’t have much time with her. It is such a roller coaster ride….


It’s amazing how the people that mean a lot to me and her have embraced the inevitable and went to visit her when she is at her worst. She has lost a lot of weight, her colour is yellow and she can’t speak much but I know deep inside she knows they were there, and that alone means the world to me.


In my new role at TELUS I’m a wellness ambassador, which means I support anyone on everything well-being. As if the universe knew, this role came at the perfect time. One thing I’ve done since getting this role is do a lot of research on “Mental” wellness. Something that has been taboo for me, and I think it has been purposely. Since living through mom dying, I’ve started to remember things that I’ve locked away deep inside because I probably didn’t know what it was.


My dealings with mental wellness started when I was 7 years old when I had to step up and start taking care of my family, because my mom was not happy. The story about stepping up is for another time, as I am still trying to make heads or tails of how it has impacted me.


Today I want to talk about mom not being happy. For anyone that truly knows my mom, they know she has a beautiful heart that would give anything to anyone, but that she also has a negative side to her. Something I saw at a very young age and thankfully for dad who was exact opposite to mom, I was able to find the positive in every situation even if it was just by saying “hey you are alive to deal with this mess, today is a great day”.


I spent three hours nestled with mom yesterday as I know she is dying and I don’t have much time to talk to her and I asked her what has been on my mind for the longest time. “Mom, were you ever happy in this life?” As she teared up, she said when I was in France. With my own tears I asked her why there when we had everything here. She said that is when I had control of my life. She didn’t say anymore to that but all my memories, I held deep inside came flushing over me. I knew what she meant and I didn’t have to give her anymore pain by asking. I cried while I held her, knowing if doctors knew then what they know now about mental illness mom would have had a happier life.


As I held her and cried, she looked up at me and said your daddy had it right and I’m so glad you have his positivity in you. Please don’t cry anymore. I am at peace and will be with your daddy soon. Promise me you will continue to enjoy life, no crying, celebrate life. You are the strongest person I know, I don’t know how you have managed so much taking care of me all these years. Because it all started with me that you are the person you are. That was all she said. As I held her I kissed her forehead and she kept kissing my arm. I had to capture the moment so I can remember for the rest of my life that I have to make sure everyone around me puts “Mental Wellness” above everything else.


For anyone that reads this, please know that I’m here if you need to talk. Sometimes life just crashes around us but finding the spark that brings us back to our happy place is what we need and reaching out to those that can help bring us back there is the best medicine.


Last night for dinner I opened a bottle of French rose and asked daddy to bring mom back to her happy place and I will listen to my mom’s last meaningful words to me and continue to living life well. Enjoying the great time, growing from the “Mentals” that bring us down, and being with those we love.


This one was a heavy mindful moment, but I’m so grateful for the journey of enlightenment I’m embarking on. Live life well everyone







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2 comentários


Julie
Julie
23 de ago. de 2021

Hi Maria-

this definitely brought a tear to my eye.

This was beautifully written.

My mom dealt with crippling depression that amplified when my dad passed. I know your situation is yours however I believe they parallel in many ways too. If you need someone to listen, you know where to find me. I pray you have some more lucid moments so that your mom has the chance to continue setting your heart free. lots of love.

julie

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Maria Scuor
Maria Scuor
24 de ago. de 2021
Respondendo a

Thank you Julie. I know you had a tough time too and am thankful for your words and support. ♥️

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